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A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.
"But why?" asked the disappointed wife.
She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant."
The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."
She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.
After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.
In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said, " I am definitely leaving this time."
"Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house.
"No," she said, "there are just too many kids here to pick up after."
One day the maid announced to the yuppette that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I am in the family way."
The yuppette was both surprised and shocked and asked who it was. The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
This time, the yuppette was horrified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," the maid explained, "I go to the library to clean it and you husband say, 'You are in the way.' I go to the living room to clean and you son say, 'You are in my way.' So I'm in the family way, and I quit."
This bishop invites a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the priest can't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper is. Over the course of the evening he starts to wonder if there's more between the bishop and the housekeeper than meets the eye. Reading the young priest's thoughts, the bishop volunteers, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later the housekeeper comes to the bishop and says, "Excellency, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"
The bishop says, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sits down and writes: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later the bishop receives a letter from the young priest, which reads: "Your Excellency, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."